When Snakes Don't Kiss You Back

Ah, that passionate kiss on the lips just brightens your day, doesn't it? The love. The desire. All mixing in together to deliver that perfect blend of bliss. Well, this is NOT a story about that bliss.

The year is 2015. Austin Hatfield of Florida, USA saw a venomous snake, a Cottonmouth, in his girlfriend's home's back yard. Being the enigmatic and adventurous 18 year old that he was, he decided to catch the snake, instead of running away from it.

Ah, youth. Dumb dumb youth.

The next few days were like a dumb dream come true for young Mr. Hatfield. He kept the very venomous reptile in a pillowcase... for some reason. I suppose maybe it looked vaguely like those sacks the experts carry some of these snakes in. Maybe. In any case, the shape and questionable resemblance of the pillowcase to the real thing was enough for Mr. Hatfield.

We know from his friends, or rather his friend's mother who spoke to the media, that he developed the amusingly dangerous habit of taking the snake out of the pillowcase and promptly putting it on his chest, whilst he kissed it on its mouth.

My, my... what a guy.

It was on one of these occasions that the snake decided to break up with him. Instead of kissing him on the lips in silent passion, as most snakes do in the wild, this Cottonmouth bit him on the lips in what could only be described as totally unromantic fury.

Mr. Hatfield had to, in blind panic and pain, tear the vicious fanged beast off from his lips and proceed in astounding pain to the hospital. With some aid one assumes.

Fun fact. Though the Cottonmouths are rarely deadly, they have one of the most painful and venomous bites known to man. There would be swelling and the body will show signs of shock while reacting to the venom.

Same guy. Really.

Sadly, the family members of the bright young man in question here killed the snake and brought it to the hospital to get the correct anti venom. So yeah. The snake didn't make it.

But the Florida authorities did start an investigation on the hospitalized Austin Hatfield. It turns out that you are actually NOT supposed to catch and keep this kind of a snake in the state of Florida, without a permit. Much less force your highly flawed sense of romantic adventure on it.

So, listen kiddies, don't you ever kiss a very venomous snake. Seriously. They don't like it me thinks.